


Oh Christmas Tree

by cariad_scribe



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Developing Relationship, Family, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:47:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29290827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cariad_scribe/pseuds/cariad_scribe
Summary: “Noah, not that it bothers me, but what makes you think I’m Jewish?”“You don’t have a Christmas tree.”Oh.Rafael Barba finds himself looking after Noah, and re-evaluating his relationship with Christmas.
Relationships: Rafael Barba & Noah Porter Benson, Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson
Comments: 27
Kudos: 98





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> An imagining of what Rafael and Noah might get up to, in the Christmas period post- "Gone Baby Gone" (s19 e9). I waned to build on the relationship we caught a glimpse of at the end of that episode, before it all went wrong in "The Undiscovered Country" (aka the most cursed episode).
> 
> This is the first time I've ever shared my writing online (so please be kind).
> 
> Hope you like it.

"Are you sure about this Rafael?" Liv questioned for perhaps the hundredth time since last week, as she handed over Noah's rucksack. Rafael reckoned it must have been almost the same size as the little boy himself.

"Yes Liv, I don't know how many different ways to explain to you that this is not a problem." Rafael replied, only slightly frustrated with her continuing anxiety that she was, somehow, taking up his precious time.

About a month prior, the precinct had seen one of its busiest days of the year so far- one of those evenings where every man and his dog seemed to be in the bullpen reporting, disclosing, witnessing or confessing. There'd been the usual pre-holidays rush of violent home issues, public transport pervs and work Christmas party bust-ups that SVU was all too familiar with at that time of year. But the most explosive had been the group of frat boys, who had stormed their nearest sorority house and drunkenly assaulted the girls that hadn't yet gone home for the holidays, as part of some difficult to understand hazing. The girls (going over the heads of campus security) called the police, who called SVU and thus the group of ten young men were shepherded haphazardly to the cells- but not before they tried to make a run for it, causing a decent amount of damage to Fin's desk and knocking Olivia over in the process.

She hit her face on a filling cabinet as she went down; not enough to bleed or break anything, but it left her with a decently sized bruise and persistent toothache for the weeks that followed. It took all of her detectives, as well as Barba and Lucy to convince her to book an emergency dental appointment after three straight days of the pain at the back of her jaw making her feel sick.

The appointment given to her was on a Saturday, which left her with another slight issue of who was going to watch Noah.

Lucy had booked that day off weeks ago, as she was sitting another college exam. Carisi was working extra shifts on the weekend so that he could book more time off at Christmas, as he had cousins visiting from Italy. She would of course have just asked Amanda, but Jesse had come down with chicken pox and even though Noah had had it when he was around four, Liv didn't want to take any chances with his health, nor put extra pressure on an already stressed-out mother. And as much as she loved Fin, she didn't think babysitting was really one of his favourite past times.

That left her with one final option.

Seeing Rafael Barba in his casual attire was probably always going to throw her off balance. Though she knew it was ridiculous to think that he sat around the house in his expensive three-piece suits, a part of her still pictured him like some kind of cartoon character that was only ever seen in the one outfit. Now, as he stood in front of her in the hallway- wearing dark jeans and an oak-green sweater- she couldn't seem to get her thoughts in order.

“Ok. So the bag’s got his inhaler, some snacks, his homework book but he can do that by himself. There’s also a change of clothes in case… well you know.” she was rambling, she knew, but her chest was fluttering with a hundred different emotions. She was anxious about the dentist, running on two cups of coffee and half a bagel, whilst still trying to get back to a place where she wasn’t scared to leave Noah alone with people other than her and Lucy.

“Liv,” Rafael stepped forward slightly, lowering his voice. “Look at him; he’s going to be fine.” He nodded towards the boy currently sat at his dining table, unpacking the things he’d brought with him, his stuffed elephant friend watching on.

Olivia sighed. Noah was so excited to be spending the day with his Uncle Rafa. He hadn’t stopped talking about it since she told him.

“Of course he is. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. Just get going, you’ll be late otherwise.”

She had to drive out to an emergency dentist in Brooklyn (the only one she could find with such a fast turnaround before Christmas) and her appointment was at 10.

“Noah, sweetheart? Mommy’s leaving now, ok?”

Noah ran back into the hall and wrapped his arms around her middle tightly.

“Bye Momma. Are you coming to get me after the dentist?”

“No sweetie, Uncle Rafa’s going to bring you home. Is that ok?” Noah nodded against her stomach and she let herself indulge in his affection for a few more seconds before pulling away to kiss him on the cheek. “You be good ok? No tantrums, no backchat; I want you to do exactly as your Uncle Rafa says, alright?”

“I promise.”

“I’ll have my phone on the whole time, and I’ll text you the number of the dentist just in case you can’t get hold of me.” Olivia explained to Rafael, who just let her talk. “If you need anything-,”

“I’ll call.” he replied seriously. And then, less seriously, “But also, I probably won’t call. You can trust me not to have any disasters, Liv. We’re going to have fun, aren’t we Noah?”

Noah made an excited noise as Rafael mussed up his curly hair.

Olivia smiled. He was right, she was helicoptering.

“Alright, ok. I’m leaving.” She let Rafael show her out of the apartment, throwing a quick ‘I love you’ to her son before he closed the door.

~~~~

Rafael laid the ground rules right off the bat- Noah was to finish whatever homework he’d brought with him before he coerced Rafael into what would inevitably be a long Lego session. This was partly to establish what he hoped was a kind but firm babysitting regime, but also would give him a chance to check a couple of emails before devoting his full attention to Noah.

Rafael didn’t often have time off. He didn’t often allow himself the luxury, and before Olivia had asked if he would ok to watch Noah his plans had amounted to little more than walking to the bodega round the corner from his apartment and buying the cheap vanilla ice cream he would never let anyone know he likes. (It was the kind his Abuelita always kept in the house, and though he appreciated the finer things now, the two dollars’ worth of sugar held rare good childhood memories.)

The two boys sat at the dining table behind his sofa- Rafael scrolling through his email inbox on his laptop and Noah trying his best to translate the last few Spanish words on his worksheet.

“Uncle Rafa, did I spell this word right?” Noah pointed to his worksheet.

“Uh huh. You’ll be speaking better Spanish than me soon.”

Noah giggled and went back to his work.

Rafael checked through the last unread email in his inbox. Simple paperwork requests, nothing he couldn’t leave till Monday. He fired off a quick reply.

“Uncle Rafa?”

“ _Noah_.”

“Are you Jewish?”

That made Rafael pause in his typing. Looking back up at the little boy, he frowned.

“Pardon?”

“Are you Jewish? It’s ok if you are!” Noah began, swinging his legs under the table. “My friend Joshua brought cakes in last week for Hanukkah. I don’t remember what they were called, but they were good! Do you have any of those? Maybe we could make some?”

Noah shared his mother’s habit for occasionally rambling when nervous. Rafael held a hand up to stop the boy from going off on too far a tangent.

“Noah, not that it bothers me, but what makes you think I’m Jewish?”

“You don’t have a Christmas tree.”

_Oh_.

It was the kind of simple, child’s logic that Rafael was still trying to become accustomed to. Maybe it was his job, but he rarely took things at face value anymore. In Noah’s seven year old mind, of course the reason Rafael didn’t have a Christmas tree was because he was Jewish. What else could it be?

The answer was that, aside from when he was sharing a house with people during college, Rafael had been tree-less most of his adult life. He always spent Christmas with his mother and, before she passed, his grandmother and they had always had the house decorated well in advance of his arrival on Christmas Eve. It seemed pointless to Rafael to decorate an apartment he mostly only slept and showered in.

The other reason he didn’t like decorating alone was something Rafael tried not to dwell on. Throughout his childhood, the tree going up each year rather depended on the mood his father was in- some years he was too drunk to care about what Rafael and his mother did, others he was spitefully sober and refusing to allow access to the basement where they kept the decorations. There was one year in particular that coloured his memories of the festive season; his mother had been working extra shifts to afford Christmas, his father also at work for most of the day. Rafael had been only a few years older than Noah was now- that prime age of still believing in Santa, but wanting to be a little grown up. He’d gone into the basement on his own whilst his parents were out and carried all the decorations into the house, spending the entire day trying his best to dress the living room like his Abuelita did. He was so happy when he finished, so excited to see his parents’ face when they saw, that of course the only way it could end was his father screaming in his face when he got home later that evening; what was he thinking going down into the basement himself, did he want to get hurt and scare his mother, right before Christmas? Not to mention the dirt he’d trailed up across the carpets. When Rafael had tried to back away from his father’s tirade, he’d accidentally knocked a glass ornament off the tree, shattering on the floor. The bruise on his arm from his father’s angry grip lasted well into the New Year.

Of course he couldn’t tell any of that to Noah. So he settled for the first thing that sprang to mind.

“Well, actually… I was waiting for someone to come over and help me with it. Do you know anyone who might like to help me with a Christmas tree?”

Noah practically sprang out of his chair and ran over to climb onto Rafael’s lap.

“I’ll help Uncle Rafa! Can I? Please?”

Rafael laughed as Noah tugged on the front of his sweater.

“I guess you’ll fit the bill. But I’ll let you know now; I have a very specific set of Christmas tree decorating guidelines. We’re talking Rockefeller level of festiveness here. Do you think you’ll be able to manage it?”

Noah nodded so earnestly, Rafael had to hold back his laughter. To cover up his delight with Noah’s reaction, the lawyer stroked the little boy’s cheek and set him back down.

“Go and use the bathroom before we leave. I’ve just got to do something first and then we can go on our tree hunt.”

“Ok!” Noah exclaimed as he ran off to the bathroom down the corridor. As soon as he was out of earshot, Rafael shot up and into his kitchen, scrolling through his phone to find the number he was looking for.

“Rafael, _amigo_. What’s up?” Eddie’s gruff voice came through the phone.

“ _Hola_ Eddie. I have a quick question to ask you.”

“Ask away, Rafi. You know I always got time for you.” Eddie replied.

“Do you know of anywhere in Manhattan that’s still selling Christmas trees?”

“Rafael it’s the 18th December!” Eddie exclaimed. “You’ve left it a bit late.”

“I hadn’t planned on getting one at all till about five minutes ago,” Rafael mumbled, listening out for the sound of Noah flushing the toilet.

“Why the sudden need for a tree?”

“I have a young friend who’s questioning everything he knows about me because I haven’t decorated for the holidays. So I need a tree.”

There was a pause in the conversation before Eddie spoke again.

“Is this Lieutenant Benson’s kid?”

“…yes.” Rafael had a horrible thought he knew where this was going.

“Since when did you arrange your life around anyone, let alone a kid?”

“Since I became cool Uncle Rafa, who apparently knows everything about everything.”

Eddie chuckled on the other end of the line.

“Oh Rafi, you always knew everything. But I guess we can’t have you disappoint a child, let alone Benson’s boy. Actually I ran into Ashley Wilson last week, y’know from middle school?”

Rafael vaguely recalled a very tall girl who had braces.

“I think so?”

“She’s running a Christmas tree lot not far from me. With her girlfriend apparently. You could try there.”

“Eddie you’re a life-saver,” Rafael sighed.

“Sure I am. I can meet you there if you need help getting stuff into your car? I’ll bring Miguel, if Lieutenant Benson doesn’t mind Noah meeting other kids?”

“I’m sure that’ll be fine. Seriously, thanks Eddie. I owe you one.”

“You don’t owe me anything Rafi. I’ll see you there.”

Rafael ended the call just as Noah made it back into the main living room area.

“Can we go get a Christmas tree now, Uncle Rafa?”

“Sure. Let’s go get your coat.”

~~~~

Rafael rarely drove at all anymore. When he was in college he had a shitty little second-hand car that he’d saved up for, because somehow filling up the tank with gas every now and then was cheaper than getting the train back home. When he started working as a more high-profile prosecutor he’d felt the urge to spend some money on something a bit bigger than a new tie and had gone out and bought what had been at the time a fairly up-to-date BMW. When he’d seen that most of the other wealthy or privileged lawyers were driving much more expensive vehicles, or simply paid for the luxury of town cars every day, he’d mostly felt like a fraud. The car usually sat in the space under his building until he needed to drive out of town or move something large his mother couldn’t manage on her own.

But today it would be a Christmas tree carrying godsend, and occasionally getting a glimpse of Noah in the car seat in the back made him feel emotions he wasn’t ready to put a name to.

Rafael had been formulating a plan for when they inevitably arrived at an empty tree farm, but to his surprise and relief there were actually a decent amount left. Parking the car across the road, Rafael took Noah’s hand and let him pull him towards the magical, if slightly small, city woodland.

“Hi, how can I help?” a tall woman approached them from the left, wearing a thick fleece jacket and sturdy gloves.

“We need a tree!” Noah exclaimed excitedly.

“Well then you’re in the right place,” the woman replied and Rafael suddenly realized he was looking at Ashley Wilson, the girl he was almost sure he sat next to in Biology classes.

“Hi, you probably don’t remember me, but we went to school together-,”

“Rafael Barba, I know who you are.” Ashley interrupted him. “Can’t count how many times I’ve seen your face in the paper since you started working for the DA’s office. How are you?”

Ashley shook his hand with a broad smile, showing off teeth that seemed to have benefited from the braces Rafael remembered.

“I’m good, all things considered. You?”

“Probably much the same. Eddie Garcia is actually here too, somewhere.”

“He sent me here,” he explained. “You’re actually saving me massively right now.” he added in a whispered tone.

She smiled again, the glanced back down at Noah.

“You gonna help your Dad pick out a tree?”

Rafael stammered, cringing at the misunderstanding but struggling to correct her in a way that didn’t make him look like the teenage boy she had once known.

“Actually he’s my uncle, not my Dad.” Noah replied, surprisingly calm. “Well he’s my Mom’s _friend_ , not her brother, so he’s not really my uncle, but Momma says he does all the things family does, like read to me and help me with my homework-,”

“Ok, why don’t we start looking?” Rafael stopped him with an awkward laugh. “We leave it any longer and all the good trees will be gone.”

“Eddie was over that way, last time I checked. If you need anything, just give me a shout.” Ashley told him.

~~~~

“I don’t know if that one will fit, Noah. It’s a little wide.”

“It looks like a Hershey’s Kiss!” Noah laughed, pleased with his joke.

Rafael laughed with him before hearing his name being called. When he turned, he saw Eddie walking through the trees towards them, holding his son’s hand.

“It’s a success so far, I see.” Eddie quipped, letting go of his son for moment so he could clasp Rafael on the shoulder.

“Hi _Tio_ Rafael!

“Hi Miguel, you’re getting so tall!” Rafael greeted, placing his hand on the young boy’s head. “Are you having better luck than we are?”

“We already got our tree ages ago,” Miguel answered, like it was the most stupid question Rafael could ask him. “ _Papi_ says we have to help you.”

“Does he now?” Rafael rolled his eyes at his friend, and then caught Noah staring at the two strangers. “Noah, this is Eddie and his son Miguel. Eddie’s a very good friend that I’ve known… well since I was your age.”

“I have an elephant, his name is Eddie too!”

“Well it’s a good name.” Eddie replied. “It’s nice to meet you Noah.”

“Let’s keep walking,” Rafael encouraged the group. “There’s got to be a tree worth getting somewhere round here.”

Soon the two boys became comfortable enough with each other to walk a little ahead of the adults, chatting amicably as they ran up to each tree and weighed up its merits.

“Don’t run too far off Noah.” Rafael called after him.

“Ok Uncle Rafa!”

“I call him Uncle Rafa too!” Miguel chipped in. “That’s what _tio_ means.”

“I know. I learned that word in school!”

“Have you written your Santa letter yet? I’ve asked for…”

Rafael smiled at the two boys as they got to know each other among the pine branches. Miguel was a little older than Noah, but that didn’t seem to bother either of them. They were more or less the only ones looking round at that point, and the sound of the children laughing echoed around them. He couldn’t remember the last time he took the time to walk around outside, without it being the few minutes he had in between court and the precinct. The smell of the pine needles almost made him forget he was in the middle of the city.

Not for the first time, Rafael was thankful for the little boy just ahead of them. He would never have even considered doing anything like this if it wasn’t for him.

“I don’t think I’ve seen you this relaxed in years.” Eddie murmured so only they could hear. Rafael shot him a questioning look. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, there’s still that on-edge-ADA-Barba feeling underneath. Around the eyes,”

“Thanks.” Rafael replied, sarcastically.

“But this… it’s good for you.”

Rafael paused. He was sure he had a pretty good idea as to what his friend was referring, but was hoping that by feigning ignorance Eddie might not continue with this conversation.

“Hmm.”

“I know you’re not exactly a kid person,” Eddie went on, ignoring Rafael’s silent wishes that he wouldn’t. “But I don’t know, something about Benson’s kid-,”

“Please don’t insinuate what I think you’re about to insinuate.” Rafael interrupted. “Because I might have to fall out with you.”

Eddie laughed, clapping his friend on the shoulder.

“I ain’t saying anything. Just… I don’t know, maybe it’s nice to see you finally realize there’s more to life than working your ass off in that office 24/7.” Eddie explained. “That you’ve got yourself a family.”

“I have my mother. And you’re family, Eddie.”

“I know, Raf, _hermano_. But there ain’t nothing wrong with adding a little more.”

"Uncle Rafa, what about this one?" Noah bellowed from afar. Peering into the distance, Rafael could see the two boys standing next to a tree, jumping a little with excitement. Walking over, the lawyer tilted his head, trying to remember how high his ceilings were. He really should have measured before they left.

"I'm not sure," he replied. "Does it have any gaps? Not brown at all?"

"Nope!" Noah answered, reaching out to touch the branches gently. "I like it Rafa, do you?"

"Me too!" Miguel added, jumping up next to his new friend.

Rafael and Eddie shared an amused look. The boys had made the decision far quicker than they anticipated, but they're gleeful little faces were hard to refuse.

"I think it’s as good a Christmas tree as I've ever had. But probably even better because you chose it." Rafael told Noah, clapping him on the shoulder. Noah beamed at him, and then turned to Miguel so they could celebrate their success.

Eddie volunteered to go and find Ashley, who put the tree through the netting machine (a step in the process the boys found both hilarious and fascinating; "It's like a chrysalis!" Noah exclaimed, a word he'd just learned that week in school and was very proud to have found a use for, which in turn made Miguel laugh so hard Eddie had to get him to calm down before he threw up), before the three adults spent perhaps far too long lassoing the tree to the top of Rafael's car. Not wholly convinced it wasn't going to fall off on the way back home; Rafael took out his wallet to pay at the little wooden hut at the front of the lot.

"Do you want to get anything else? Garlands, wreaths?" Ashley asked him as she punched through his purchase on her card machine. "We've actually got some holly and mistletoe left as well."

Rafael looked at the side of the hut where Ashley had gestured. Now he was in the spirit of things, he could picture some of the green foliage going across the mantle of his, admittedly rarely used, fireplace. Other tenants in his building had wreaths on the door, so if he got one of those he wouldn't feel like he was drawing any attention to himself. And there was a small part of his brain that almost dared to wonder what Liv would say if he had a sprig of mistletoe pinned to his doorway.

"Do you have a star to go on top Uncle Rafa?" Noah's voice interrupted his ill-advised daydream. Shaking himself back to reality, Rafael turned to his little friend.

"I'm sure we can find something at home. Did you want to choose a wreath to go on the door?"

Noah skipped over to the few options that were left and, to Rafael's surprise, picked the smallest one there.

"This one!"

Rafael added that and a garland to his bill, before handing his card over. The whole cost wasn't cheap, but Rafael knew he had spent more on suits and show tickets before. Making memories with Noah was something he was much more willing to spend the money on right now.

"That's everything." Ashley said, handing him his receipts. "Let me know if you need anything else, our number is at the bottom."

"Thank you Ashley," Rafael replied. "It was nice to see you again."

"You too. Have a good Christmas!"

Back at the car, Noah and Miguel were chatting animatedly still.

"Do you speak Spanish every day?"

"Yeah, me and my _Abuela_ speak Spanish to each other all the time!" Miguel answered. "And _Papi_ too, and sometimes Uncle Rafael writes my birthday cards in Spanish."

"My mom speaks a whole bunch of languages, but I can only do a little bit. We learn in school."

"Maybe you can come to my house and we can teach you?" Miguel exclaimed, before turning to his father. "Can we do that Dad?"

Noah in turn rounded on his adult. "Please Uncle Rafa?"

"Hey, it's not my decision bud. You'd have to ask your Mom first, you know that."

"Text the Lieutenant my number, if you want." Eddie told Rafael. "I'm fine with it if she is."

Rafael smiled and nodded, then gestured for Noah to get back into the car.

“C’mon Noah, that tree isn’t going to get itself up and decorated.”

The two little boys said their goodbyes, Noah clambering into the car seat in the back with as much excitement as he had leaving to get the tree. Rafael helped him with his seat belt and shut the door, before turning to his friend.

“Thanks Eddie, you were a lifesaver.”

“It’s nothing Raf, anytime.” he replied, arm being tugged by his son who was eager to go back home and finish his Christmas list. “Go and spend time with your boy.”

He didn’t give Rafael time to rebuff that little statement before shooting him another smirk and heading off down the street. Shaking his head, the lawyer got back into his car and started the engine.


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Rafael, did you buy a Christmas tree just so you wouldn’t disappoint my son?”  
> Taking a deep breath, Rafael dared to look up at the detective, unable to stop his mouth from turning up into a small grin.  
> “Only a real sap would do something like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now they've found a tree, it obviously has to be put up. Cue more Rafael & Noah bonding time, because I think there's always something inherently soft about people decorating Christmas trees together.

Having managed unexpectedly to carry the tree through his building and up to his apartment (and feeling very masculine whilst doing so), Rafael found an empty corner of his living room, beside the TV, to place it. He made a very excited Noah wait on the sofa whilst he got some kitchen scissors to cut off the netting, and then allowed him to drape the garland across the mantle of the fireplace whilst he rummaged around in the cupboard in the hall for a long forgotten box.

The Christmas trees of his college days had been decorated with cheap but decent decorations; the kind they picked up in tubs at the grocery store, or were just accumulated via friends and family. He still wasn’t sure why, but for some reason he had been the one to inherit the box when they graduated. It had been put to the back of his closet when he moved into his current apartment, just after he started working for the DA’s office, and barely touched since. Rafael was relieved to see that the majority of the baubles and tinsel had survived years of neglect, and hoped that the little boy in his living room wouldn’t be too disappointed by their generic designs.

The two of them spent the afternoon in what could only be described as a festive bubble; Noah hadn’t been at all put off by the old decorations, just leapt with excitement into the box to begin pulling out the ones he liked best. A few times Rafael had to gently tell him to slow down before he dropped one, or slipped on the shiny wood floor of his apartment in his socked feet. At the request of Noah, Rafael had found a playlist on his phone of Christmas music, laughing to himself every time the little boy earnestly sang the wrong words, and even managed to scramble together a plate of cookies from the kitchen (they were probably a little stale and not at all Christmassy, but to Noah they were a treat simply because of where they were being eaten.)

From spending a few evening’s at Olivia’s apartment, he knew that whilst Noah was allowed to place ornaments as he wished the first time round, as he slept his mother could quite often be found discreetly moving them to a better position. He’d laughed at her when he’d initially witnessed it, but now he was in the same situation he could see why she did. The control-freak part of his brain was itching to fix one bauble that was sitting too close to another of the same colour, but Noah was so happily busy with his task he daren’t move a thing.

“Uncle Rafa?”

“What is it bud?”

Noah was sat on his knees in front of the tree, whilst Rafael sat behind him on the sofa, trying his best to untangle two streams of tinsel that had knotted themselves together in the box.

“Do they have Christmas trees and wreaths and songs and stuff in hospitals?”

Tugging at the last tangle, Rafael nodded slowly.

“Sure they do. Not in every room, but nurses and doctors will decorate sometimes, to make everyone feel better.”

“What about…” Noah stumbled over the next part of his question, hanging his head and looking nervous. “What about in special hospitals?”

Rafael abandoned the tinsel for a moment and diverted his full attention to the boy.

“Special hospitals?”

“Yeah,” Noah murmured, unable to look at the older man in the eye. “Like the one Grandma Sheila is in?”

Rafael sighed. It had only been a few weeks since the woman had tried to take Noah away forever, and even though he had been shielded from the details of what had happened Rafael knew that he was still curious about the current whereabouts of his maternal grandmother. Olivia had confided in Rafael that she felt guilty about lying to her son regarding the exact nature of Sheila Porter’s crimes, but that the selfish part of her just wanted him to forget she had ever existed. In that moment, wondering what on earth to say to him, Rafael wished much the same thing.

“Noah,” Rafael still couldn’t quite catch his gaze. “ _Mijo_ , will you look at me?” Noah looked up from the floor, looking all of his six years. Rafael’s heart broke a little at the sight of him. “You wanna come here?”

Rafael patted the sofa cushion next to him and Noah climbed up, still holding onto a tree ornament.

“Y’know, I don’t know a lot about where your Grandma Sheila is,” This was only a little white lie- Rafael had kept tabs on her court case from the very beginning; he knew the name of the facility Sheila Porter had been admitted into, though not too much about what it was like on the inside. “But there are a lot of sick people there, like her, who deserve to celebrate Christmas too. I would imagine that someone’s put a tree up, or is playing some music.”

“So she’s not spending Christmas on her own?” Noah asked him, eyes as wide as saucers.

“No, Noah,” Rafael replied, putting a hand gently on his knee. “No, I don’t think so. Was that what you were worried about?”

Noah nodded, tears threatening to fall from his eyes as his bottom lip quivered ever so slightly. Quickly, Rafael wrapped his arm around his shoulders and pulled the boy close into what he hoped was a comforting hug. A lot of their affection was initiated by Noah and Rafael was still embarrassed by the uncomfortable way he was never quite able to hold him as a baby.

“You… you are a very sweet, very kind, very _brave_ boy. You’re like your mom, you have such a big heart,” Rafael felt his voice break a little, and hoped Noah hadn’t noticed. “I know you’re still worried about Grandma Sheila, but I promise you that she is in the best place for her right now. And I know that sometimes you have a lot of big feelings, feelings that sometimes are too big to even put into words?”

Noah nodded against Rafael’s chest, his sweater getting a little damp from the tears

“That’s because you’re still only a little boy. You’ve still got to grow some more, so there’s room for all your feelings.” He said, tickling Noah’s stomach and earning a wet giggle. He seemed to be slowing down in his crying. “You don’t have to worry about these big grown up things too much, ok? That’s what your mom, and me, and Aunt Amanda and Uncle Fin and Sonny are here for. But if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m always here.”

“Always? You promise?” Noah lifted his head up to look at him, rubbing his red eyes.

Rafael drew two fingers across his chest and smiled. “Cross my heart.”

“Ok. Can we put the star on top now?”

Rafael smiled at the little boy, smoothing the curls away from his face.

“Course we can. I think I might be able to rustle up a hot chocolate as well, if you like that kind of thing?”

“Please!” Noah exclaimed, jumping down from the sofa. “Can I have whipped cream too?”

~~~~

After, when the ornaments had run out and the sugar rush from the cookies and hot chocolate died down, Rafael had found Noah sat with his head resting on the arm of his sofa- eyes struggling to stay open.

The lawyer let himself watch for a moment. He wasn’t what he would consider particularly paternal; he was an only child, never had any younger cousins, which lived in New York at least. When his friends had started to settle down and have families he’d been paving his way through the DA’s office, winning cases and getting a name for himself (good or bad, depending on who you spoke to.) Never mind his less than happy upbringing with his own father. Children had never been something he’d allowed himself to see in his future.

If he was being honest with himself, he wasn’t sure even now. He was still incredibly career-focused, still had a list of things that he would like to accomplish before he was made to retire. But since coming to SVU, not only had he had to learn to become more comfortable around children in terms of their cases, but also within his social circle.

When Olivia had adopted Noah, he’d been so happy for her. Happier than he’d ever been for a friend; she’d been through so much and was finally having something go right in her life. Then Rollins had given birth to Jesse and though he wasn’t as close with the detective as he had become with her lieutenant, he’d been to gatherings in the office and the occasional birthday party over the years. His social life was suddenly worked around children in a way it had never been before. If anyone asked his mother, she would probably say that this was a good thing for him. That it forced him to live a little better, take things a little slower. He wouldn’t say this out loud, but he would also probably agree with her.

He did care about Noah. More than he thought would be possible, considering he wasn’t even related to the boy. A big part of that was definitely because he was Olivia’s son.

However that conclusion, and the subsequent feelings it evoked, was not something he was willing to examine at that moment, if at all.

“Noah,” Rafael approached the boy on the sofa, crouching down to his level and placing a hand on his shoulder. “Shall we get you home?”

Noah nodded silently, sitting up to rub his tired eyes. Rafael touched his cheek again, before going to grab their coats.

~~~~

Rafael awkwardly knocked on Olivia’s front door, juggling take-out Italian, Noah’s backpack and the little boy himself as he waited for his friend to answer. Figuring Olivia wouldn’t have cooked herself dinner once she got home from the dentist, and not having been able to feed her son before he’d started falling asleep on the sofa, Rafael made a slight detour on his way back to Olivia’s apartment to get them both something to eat.

When she opened the door, she looked ready to fall asleep as well. She’d changed into leggings and a sweatshirt, pulled her hair up into a short, messy pony tail and judging by the way she blinked at him he assumed she’d been dozing just before he’d knocked.

“I come bearing food,” Rafael held out the take-out bag. “, and a child.”

“My child? Or another that you picked up by mistake?” she quipped, taking the bag of food from him and standing aside so he could enter.

“He came free with the garlic bread.”

She tipped her head back and smiled as she set the food down on the counter in the kitchen, then also grabbing Noah’s backpack before leaning in to stroke his hair.

“Noah, honey? You awake?”

“M’ tired,” he mumbled, rubbing his face into Rafael’s chest. Olivia smiled again.

“I bet you are, but you can’t stay like that all night,” she explained, stroking his face.

“I know I’m strong, but I’m not that strong.” Rafael told the boy, but only his mother was awake enough to smirk. Noah shifted, allowing Rafael to place him down on the floor in the living room. Rafael’s arms practically sighed with relief, but he tried not to let the strain of carrying the boy all the way up to Olivia’s apartment show.

“What do you say to Uncle Rafa, for looking after you today?” Olivia asked her son, who turned to the lawyer and replied whilst yawning.

“Thank you.” the boy’s words were mumbled by his yawn, but he made up for it by hugging the older man round the middle tightly- the way only children really can.

“Good boy. Go and brush your teeth and put on your pj’s, I’ll tuck you in in a minute.” The little boy silently obeyed, leaving the adults alone in the living room.

“Thank you for taking him today,” Olivia said to Rafael, briefly touching his arm as she went to put Noah’s backpack on the sofa. “I really owe you one.”

“No, you owe me nothing.” he corrected. “Well except like $27.50 for the take-out.” She turned from folding a blanket to raise an eyebrow at him. “Kidding. I figured you would have been too tired to cook, and the Italian place was on the way here, so.”

That wasn’t strictly true, but she didn’t need to know that. In any case, it was well-established in their friendship that he was the one who thought about food enough for the both of them. It didn’t have to mean anything.

“Thank you.”

“How’re you feeling?” he gestured to his mouth by way of an explanation.

“It’s a little sore now the anesthesia's worn off, but better than before. They said I could take some medication at home if I wanted, and I don’t have to take time off, so it could be worse.”

Rafael nodded; glad she wasn’t in too much pain. He suddenly felt awkward lingering in her living room, without paperwork or a child to inspire conversation. For lack of anything to do with his hands, he tapped his knuckles on the counter and smiled.

“Well, I should probably be going. Let you eat.”

“You’re welcome to stay and share, if you like?” If Olivia was surprised by his sudden and abrupt bid for freedom, she didn’t show it.

“No, really it’s fine. I’ve got some work stuff to go over before court on Monday.” Another slight lie, but for some reason he really didn’t think he could stand being in her apartment with her- looking so soft and comfortable- for much longer.

“Of course. Want me to show you out?”

“No, it’s alright. You just carry on.” Rafael began making his way to the front door. “I’ll see you at work, Liv.”

“See you, Rafa. Thanks again.”

He smiled at her once more before slipping through the door and back out into the night.

~~~~

In the rest of the run up to Christmas, Rafael found himself caught back up in his work. SVU had continued cases to get through, and there were a couple of extra meetings within the DA’s office itself that meant the lawyer was without much free time at all. His suspicions that he wouldn’t get to his mother’s house until just before Midnight Mass were looking more and more likely.

It was at around half seven in the evening on Christmas Eve when Rafael was interrupted from his brain fog by a knock on his office door.

“Carmen, I thought I told you to go home an hour ago?”

“But then who’s here to tell _you_ to go home?”

Looking up, Rafael saw Olivia standing in the space he had expected his assistant to be. She was wrapped up in her coat and gloves, giving him that pointed look that usually preceded an argument about lack of evidence or legal technicalities.

“Lieutenant, to what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?” he asked her, dropping his pen down on the desk. “If you’re about to ask me to get you a warrant on Christmas Eve then-,”

“Actually _I’m_ here to give _you_ something.”

Perhaps it was the amount of caffeine he’d consumed so far, or the fact that he hadn’t been out of the room since that morning, but Rafael felt his stomach jolt at her words. He schooled his face into an expression that he hoped was somewhere along the lines of ‘mild interest’ and not the noxious pit of schoolboy anxiety he instead was feeling at the presence of possibly the most beautiful woman he had ever known.

“More paperwork?”

She shook her head and produced from behind her a small gift bag. Dropping it down on top of the mess on his desk she fixed him with a small smile.

“Merry Christmas, Rafael.”

He frowned- they hadn’t ever given each other Christmas presents. He suddenly panicked that they’d agreed on some sort of gift exchange he’d forgotten about. Warily, he reached into the bag and pulled out something small, wrapped in tissue.

Peeling back the tape, his confusion morphed very quickly into touched delight when he saw what it was.

A small Christmas tree, made of pottery and painted in a child’s hand- mostly green all over, with the occasional dot of red and yellow that Rafael assumed were meant to be lights and ornaments. It had a little green ribbon tied to the top, and as he held it up to the light the tree span round and Rafael saw the writing on the back.

‘MERRY XMAS UNCLE RAFA LOVE NOAH’

Rafael laughed softly, if only to stop himself from getting emotional.

“Noah told me all about your day together,” she explained, stepping closer to the desk. “Said it was the best he’d ever had.”

“Well you know how children exaggerate,” the lawyer rebuffed, still looking at the handmade decoration in his hand. “I’m sure it will soon be overtaken by the next best day of his life. Tomorrow perhaps, or his first home run in baseball.”

“Maybe,” Olivia shrugged. “But they won’t all involve his favourite uncle.”

Rafael didn’t say anything- just sat back down in his chair and placed the decoration very gently on top of the paper it was wrapped in. Olivia only allowed the silence for a few more moments before continuing;

“Rafael, did you buy a Christmas tree just so you wouldn’t disappoint my son?”

Taking a deep breath, Rafael dared to look up at the detective, unable to stop his mouth from turning up into a small grin.

“Only a real sap would do something like that.”

“Oh yes. The big brass ego of ADA Barba would never be caught dead worrying about a child’s opinion of him.” Olivia quipped, matching his smirk.

The two shared a silent smile, before Rafael had to turn his head away from her all-seeing eyes.

“Exactly.”

~~~~

In the end, Rafael had just enough time to run home from the office, to change his clothes and grab the bags with his mother’s gifts in before making his way to her house. She had called him as he was climbing into a taxi, threatening all manner of things if he didn’t make it to church in time- so when he rushed around his apartment, gathering up spare clothes and double checking he had everything, if it wasn’t for trying to find his phone charger, he would forgotten about the little gift tucked safely inside his briefcase.

He suddenly cared a little less about incurring the wrath of his mother and her friends for being late. He was damned if he wasn’t stopping for just five minutes, so that he might hang the little Christmas tree onto his own, making sure the lights hit it just right for a picture, that he then sent to Olivia’s phone with a short but affectionate wishing of a ‘Merry Christmas x’.

When he arrived at his mother’s house, she was waiting on the doorstep, holding her purse and keys, Rafael assumed, so that her angry gestures might have more emphasis. He apologized, kissed her cheek, threw his overnight bag into the hall and let her chew his ear off all the way to church. It was Christmas Eve after all, and he had been late. She scowled at him further when his phone vibrated- just as the priest was beginning to speak- but he couldn’t find it in himself to be embarrassed. Smiling up at him from the phone screen, Olivia and Noah said they hoped he too would have ‘A Very Merry Christmas x’.

Against his usual traditions, he thought he might.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Noah thinking Rafael was Jewish because he didn't have a tree was the 1st conversation from this fic that came to me- the 2nd was their chat about Sheila Porter. I couldn't remember whether it was ever explained specifically where she ended up after the kidnapping, but I'm assuming her mental state would have been taken into account & therefore probably wouldn't be in a normal prison environment. Rafael also probably doesn't realize quite how fatherly he's being here- subconsciously, he's treating Noah the way he would've liked to have been treated when he was that age 😊
> 
> I genuinely didn't expect all the kind and encouraging responses to the first chapter I put up (and the first bit of writing I'd ever shared online), so thank you so much if you read and enjoyed! I hope you like part 2 just as much! 😊


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